Tonight I went in to kiss the children one last time before I went to bed.
As I creeped in Tucker's room, he whispered, "Hi, mommy."
He took a good long nap today, so I guess he was having a hard time falling asleep.
I knelt down by his bed for a last cuddle, and he scooted over towards the wall."Will you lay down with me?"
It pains me to say it, but most nights I'm "too."
Tonight I wasn't.
Tonight I just climbed on in and lay down in the warm spot his little body left behind.
I breathed in his little boy scent.
He nuzzled me and giggled and finally rolled over with his back to me
and tucked his still small body into my chest
and took a big, deep, contented breath.
I propped up on an elbow so I could watch his eyelashes flutter.
I counted his freckles
and rubbed my nose in his hair
and matched my breathing to his
and could not stop smiling.
After I was sure he had fallen asleep,
I began to creep out of his bed.
His eyes popped open and he grinned at me.
"I'm going to sleep in my bed, buddy," I whispered.
"I love you."
"Okay," he whispered back.
"I love cuddling with you. I won't miss you any more tonight."
And he snuggled himself back under his blanket and smiled.